Nervous System Checklist
This checklist helps you identify which nervous system state you’re in, so you can better understand your responses to stress and begin your journey back to regulation and safety.
Eruptor Mode (Fight Response)
I notice myself taking things personally, becoming overly defensive, dominating the conversation, arguing with others, feeling angry or enraged, harboring resentment, holding grudges, or nursing vendettas.
Body:
– I feel unable to relax and may feel uncomfortable, unsettled, agitated, or anxious.
– My heart is racing.
– My body is sweating or shaking, and my shoulders may be squared or my chest puffed out.
– I’m breathing quickly and shallow, from my chest.
– My muscles are tense, and my hands and fists may be clenched.
– I’m talking loudly, maybe even screaming or yelling.
– My eyes are hyperfocused or fixated on something or someone (tunnel vision).
Mind:
– My thoughts (about myself or others) are highly critical.
– My thoughts are highly emotional and stuck in all-or-nothing loops.
Distractor Mode (Flight Response)
I notice myself retreating into thoughts or trying to escape through busyness, eating, drinking, or overuse of substances.
Body:
– I feel unable to relax and may feel anxious or unsettled.
– My heart is racing.
– My posture may be hunched or collapsed.
– I’m breathing quickly and shallow, from my chest.
– My muscles are tense or shaking.
– I may not be talking much or may ramble to change the subject.
– My eyes are distracted or avoiding eye contact.
Mind:
– My thoughts are racing.
– My thoughts are hyper-fixated on an issue or topic.
Detacher Mode (Freeze or Shutdown Response)
I notice myself shutting down or disconnecting. My mind feels blank.
Body:
– I feel detached or apathetic and may feel hopeless.
– My heartbeat is slowed or imperceptible.
– My body may be cold or numb.
– I’m breathing from a constricted chest.
– My muscles feel weak and fatigued.
– I feel physically depleted or numb.
– My speech is flat or monotone.
– My eyes have a blank or far-off stare.
Mind:
– I feel spaced out and unsure of what’s real.
– My mind feels blank and it’s hard to concentrate.
Pleaser Mode (Fawn Response)
I’m fixated on the emotional states of others and may overexplain or take responsibility for their needs.
Body:
– I’m disconnected from my body.
– I’m hyperfocused on others or the environment.
– My breathing mirrors others around me.
– My energy matches the room or others.
– My eyes are constantly scanning the environment.
Mind:
– I’m always on the lookout for the next issue (“waiting for the other shoe to drop”).
– I’m distracted by thoughts about others being upset or mad at me.
Connector Mode (Safe and Social Response)
I notice myself feeling calm, grounded, open, and curious. I can hold space for complexity and respond thoughtfully.
Body:
– I feel physically awake, relaxed, and alert.
– My body posture is open and relaxed.
– I’m breathing slowly and deeply from my belly.
– My heart is beating calmly.
– I feel peaceful and relaxed in my body.
– I can make eye contact with others.
Mind:
– I can think clearly and plan for the future.
– I’m open to others and the world.
– I feel in flow with my passions and creativity.
